Who Are YOU and What Do YOU Really Want?

Who Are You and What Do You Really Want?

You might think you know who you are and what you want but I’m betting that the person who you think you are is the person other people have made you become and the things you want are what they’ve made you believe you want…

Think about it…

How many times a day do you stop yourself from doing something because of what someone else will think?

How many times a day do you consider everyone else’s needs and feelings before your own?

What are your dreams deep down inside of you and what are you settling for instead?

I was brought up to believe it was wrong for me to speak my mind…

Many times I heard, ‘You can’t say that!’ and soon I started to believe that what I had to say was wrong…

I became too afraid to say anything and started questioning everything I did…

I’d start learning something new and if it made noise I’d be told to shut up…

I started to withdraw from the person I was being called to be to become the person others wanted me to be…

A person who wanted to be on the stage to a person who sits quietly in the corner…

But the dreams inside of me are stronger than the wants of others and in the end, they always win…

It might take some time and A LOT of inner work, but my dreams always win out in the end…

My soul would die if I settled for what someone else wanted for the rest of my life…

That doesn’t mean there hasn’t been some settling for a while at different times of my life, but eventually my dreams start tapping me on the shoulder and they lead me further along the path of self discovery…

It’s taken me 48 years but I’m finally to the point where I’ve been able to address the issue of being told I shouldn’t say certain things both with myself and my mother…

She has different beliefs to me and felt that she was doing the right thing by pulling me up when I would get a little blunt…

But now it’s time for her to take a back seat and allow me to be who I need to be…

Who are you holding yourself back for?

How are you acting in order to keep someone else happy by forgoing who you truly are?

Next Monday night, I’m stepping on stage to do my first ever stand up comedy routine…

Am I nervous?

Hell yes! But I’m also excited…

I’m pushing new boundaries and the fear of that excites me…

Is my mum nervous about what I might say?

Maybe…

This is a whole new direction for me and all of my experiences have brought me to this moment…

But it’s also been a powerful journey to get here…

Two weekends ago, I did the stand up comedy course…

In the lead up to it, Mum and I had discussions about comedy and what we found funny…

She was of the opinion that swearing isn’t necessary to be funny and I agree with her to a point…

But I don’t want to rule anything out…

I also believe there’s a time and place…

I’ve told her that I’m not going to allow myself to be restricted by her beliefs of what she feels is right for me…

I need to find my own way and to do what’s right for me…

And if she doesn’t like it, that’s for her to deal with…

Because it’s the censoring she has placed on my life that’s subconsciously held me back…

Held me back from being who I truly am…

Imagine if Katy Perry had decided to tone things down because her parents are both preachers…

Katy Perry is who she is because of her edginess…

Do her parents have to agree with her choices?

No…because she is not them…

She’s an individual, just like you…

And just like me…

Yes, when you step up there’s the risk that someone may turn and walk the other way, but if you don’t take that risk and you bow to the fear of it, you’re choosing to live your life according to someone else’s terms…

Which is fine, if that’s what you want, but don’t complain about it when the things you crave deep down inside aren’t working out for you…

Or have regrets when you get to the end of your life…

That’s where most people fall off the horse and don’t follow through…

The don’t want to lose the people they love…

But if people you love don’t accept you for who you are at the core, they’re offering conditional love…

Love with conditions and those conditions are that they will only love you if you be who they want you to be…

And that’s sad…

It’s sad that that holds people back from being who they truly are…

Because when you allow yourself to be who you truly are, that’s when you have the opportunity to truly thrive and succeed…

Otherwise you’re settling for a life that someone else has mapped out for you…

A life they believe is within your best interests but is actually within their own best interests…

Because of their fear of being judged for what you do…

Stop for a moment and without considering anyone else (that includes partners, parents and children)…

What do YOU truly want to do with your life?

Drop the guilt card, just for a moment…

I doesn’t mean you don’t love them but it DOES mean you have love for yourself…

What do YOU, the individual, TRULY want to do with your life?

Because until you get honest with yourself…

Nothing will change.

Kathryn xx

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