How great is it to have friends and family who are always there to support you and defend your side of the story when someone else upsets you?
Hang on a sec! Take a step back and ask yourself this – Do they really have your best interests at heart or are they keeping you in your comfort zone and exactly where they want you?
Not sure what I mean? Here’s an example that ends with two different scenarios –
Mary wants to enter a singing competition. Her family and friends have told her time and time again how great she is and for sure, she has this in the bag.
She’s excited as she registers and prepares for the big day.
The day of the competition arrives. Mary’s nervous about getting onstage but remembers everything her friends and family have told her about how well she sings her competition song choice. She’s confident she’ll do well.
She gets up and sings her heart out…
…but the judges, who are all professional singers and entertainers, have a completely different interpretation of Mary’s performance.
They believe it was the wrong song choice for her. She sang flat in some places. They didn’t really feel she could sing the song very well at all.
Scenario ending #1
Mary is, of course, upset to hear the judges’ thoughts and decisions so her friends and family decide the best response is to verbally abuse the judges.
They believe the answer is to defend Mary. They’re standing up for her because in their eyes, the judges are complete idiots and wankers who have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about.
But are they really doing Mary any favours?
Scenario ending #2
Mary is, of course, upset to hear the judge’s thoughts and decisions but instead of abusing the judges, Mary’s family and friends take into consideration that the judges are professionals in their field and that they might just have some valuable tips they could pass onto Mary to help her improve.
They encourage Mary to speak to the judges and ask for their advice.
In scenario ending #1, Mary’s friends and family are keeping her where they want her.
They’re keeping her in their comfort zone. They’re keeping Mary in her comfort zone and living in victim mode. They don’t want what’s best for Mary. They want what’s best for themselves.
After all, if Mary grows she might move on and leave them. It will shine the spotlight on their lack of growth and fears and that makes them feel uncomfortable.
In this scenario, Mary’s family and friends are enablers and they’re holding her back.
An enabler is someone who encourages someone to stay in their comfort zone, in victim mode, without growth and repeating habits that are self-destructive.
In scenario ending #2, Mary’s friends and family want her to grow. They want her to succeed. They want what’s best for her and they know that the road to success isn’t all sunshine and roses. They know that sometimes the hard truth needs to be faced before you can move forward.
In this scenario, Mary’s family and friends have her best interests at heart. They’re secure enough within themselves to know they will always be in Mary’s heart regardless of where she is and what she’s doing. They know how important it is for Mary’s soul to continue growing.
If someone triggers something in you that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, it’s time to step back and take a look at why you were triggered.
A trigger means a mirror is being held up to you and it’s highlighting an area in your life that’s holding you back.
If your friends and family are comforting you telling you that this person is an asshole when they’ve actually been sent by your higher power to show you the way, your friends and family are enablers.
They don’t have your personal growth and best interests at heart. They want to keep you where you are right now because it makes them feel comfortable.
They’re happy to see you unwell and unhappy and they’re there to defend that right all the way to the bank.
This scenario is just one example. Another example can be if you want to lose weight or improve your health and your trainer points out changes you need to make but your friends and family disagree, start abusing the trainer and calling them what for…
Because your family and friends are the experts, right?
This scenario can apply to all areas of your life. Maybe you’d love to follow your heart but everyone’s telling you there’s no future in your dreams. The list is endless.
Not living your life according to what’s right for your soul’s growth will make you sick and keep you where you are in your life right now.
Do you want that or do you want more for yourself? It’s ok to want things to be better than they are right now.
Don’t be a sheep…
Surround yourself with people who will be upfront with you and who will pull you up when you hide behind your own bullshit that’s stopping you from moving forward. Surround yourself with people who will encourage you to grow.
Let your light shine.
P.S Mary is no one in particular. The name popped into my head but the scenario is real from when I did, in fact, run a singing competition but she isn’t based on anyone in particular.
If you find yourself surrounded by enablers, take control of the situation and start taking positive action to achieve your goals instead of staying in victim mode.
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