What a week it’s been! A week of emotional ups and downs from putting myself out there. I had to take a few days off to recover!
On Wednesday night, I competed in a national stand up comedy competition. I was quietly excited about it, and really enjoyed the thrill of having a go, and doing something that scared me. Even though I have decades of entertainment experience, comedy is a whole new ball game. I’ve had to start from scratch, and allow myself to be a beginner.
After it was all over, the vulnerability hangover started. This happens when you put yourself out there, and push your own personal boundaries. Comedy works best if you talk about something that’s personal to you, so my current subject is my choice to be a child free woman. Over the past few months at open mic nights, my material has gained a good reaction, mainly because there were women, and men, in the audience who could relate. But this night was different. I was up on a high stage, with a spotlight in my face and the only people I could see were a table of mums sitting right in front of me. A whole new experience!!
A good experience, because it was a great opportunity to learn, but it honestly threw me a bit. It enhanced the fact that I’m talking about something that some people flat out don’t agree with, or don’t understand because of their own beliefs, even though it’s purely my own experience. It was vulnerability x 100.
I have no idea what they were thinking, but over the next 24 hours, it was an emotional ride with my ego… It wanted to focus on all the negative stuff, while making A LOT of presumptions… Meanwhile, my soul knew that everything is perfectly fine and working out exactly how it’s supposed to.
My ego was ready to chuck it all in, but after a full day of ups and downs, and tears galore, by tuning in to my soul, I finally found peace.
I didn’t make it through to the next round that night, however, it wasn’t the not winning that upset me… I was more than happy with the fact I’d competed, after only one year of pursuing comedy. I know any competition is subjective. I was proud of myself for having a go, but it brought up a whole other range of issues for me that were deeply hidden.
It was good to get them out. This is the moment where most people question what they’ve done. They put themselves out there, feel like shit the next day, and then retreat back under their rock, thinking something is wrong… That it’s a sign they shouldn’t have done it.
It’s a huge, flashing billboard sign you’re heading in the right direction, and you’re making substantial progress!!
The secret here is to completely embrace the process. The crying, the pain, and the entire experience of a vulnerability hangover is a release of the things that are holding you back.
These are the moments to be celebrated. Allow yourself to fully experience the moment. Journal… A LOT! If the cause of what comes up for you involves another person, talk to them about how you feel. Give yourself space. Sit with it. Allow your emotions to come out. Don’t suppress them.
Tune in to your inner guidance, to find forgiveness for yourself, and everything that’s coming up.
It won’t be pretty… It’ll even hurt… But these are extremely powerful moments. Allow yourself to process and move through your vulnerability hangovers, and you’ll never be the same person you were before it.
The best way to describe it is like it’s an exorcism of old beliefs, and old stories.
Don’t be surprised if your head starts spinning around…
As it turns out, I received an email two days later with an invite to compete in the Wild Card round. I’m back in the game! I’m proud of myself considering I only have one year’s experience under my belt. I’m not perfect. I don’t have to be. I’m a beginner, and I’ve come a long way in the last 12 months, and next time I get up, I’ll have that little bit of extra experience under my belt, and a few less hidden issues that are now gone for good!
I still feel quite vulnerable sharing my views onstage, but it takes time. The important thing is to keep moving forward, onwards and upwards, and not let ego take the wheel.
Step outside your comfort zone. Take a chance with a leap of faith towards doing the things that scare you. That is where the path to living the life of your dreams lies.