Are You Stuck in the Enabler Trap?

Ok…so, what’s an enabler?

a) Someone who makes something possible and…

b) Someone who encourages the destructive behaviour of someone else…

Think about your relationships with other people…

Are you encouraging other people to be their best, independent selves OR are you helping to keep them where YOU want them?

In a place where they need you…

Where they rely on you…

And believe they can’t live without you…

Where YOU believe they can’t survive without you…

That they need you…

Here’s a few examples I’ve seen during my career…

A husband helping his wife up off the floor – on the surface, this seems like a wonderful, loving thing for him to do, but he’s actually stealing her independence. She needs to be able to physically get up off the floor by herself…

Women running to help people without actually asking the other person if they want their help – There was a lovely lady who used to come to my yoga classes. She had been injured and was learning to walk again. When she’d come to class, the other women would run around and do everything for her, but they didn’t ask her first. They just did it…

What they didn’t realise was that she wanted to regain her independence and was frustrated by them doing everything. In their efforts to help, they were stealing her independence…

A mother who does EVERYTHING for her kids – again, seems like a wonderful, loving thing for her to do…kids should be allowed to play and enjoy being kids, right?

‘I WANT TO DO CHORES!’ said NO ONE EVER…

BUT these kids are now moving into their teenage years and don’t even know how to mash food with a fork. Chores are not there to be mean…they’re there to teach kids life skills so they can go out into the world and be fully functioning, independent adults…

A mother whose daughter lost her husband suddenly and was left with two small children who is now putting her daughter’s needs above her own and everyone else – Of course it’s normal to want to help and initially, yes, that support is definitely needed, but by continuing to live like this for years after, the mother is stealing independence from her daughter…

Helping someone from a place of their pain is not helping them at all…

Of course, show empathy for someone and help them where it’s needed BUT when they become dependent on you…

YOU ARE AN ENABLER

So…what’s in it for you?

What need do you have within you that their dependence on you is fulfilling?

Allowing someone to NEED you is NOT doing them any favours…

All it’s doing is catering to YOUR needs…

Being there for others is a good thing, but do it from a place where you see them in their best light – as an independent person who’s full of potential and who, quite frankly, doesn’t NEED you…

That means saying NO at times and allowing that person to find their own way…

When someone doesn’t NEED you anymore and can survive without you…your work there is done…

Pat yourself on the back and go out and celebrate your AMAZING AWESOMENESS and the greatest gift you can ever give someone…

THEIR INDEPENDENCE…

Set them free and allow them to be a part of your life as a free, independent soul and encourage them to reach their fullest potential.

Kathryn x

Are you ready to start living your life from a place of soul alignment? Coaching is available. Contact me.

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